I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
