Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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