I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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