I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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