Whod you bang
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
