Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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