I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
