walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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