It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
