I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
