i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
