am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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