my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
