That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
