With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
