apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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