mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
