To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize