apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
