weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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