i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
