I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
