I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
