I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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