I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
