i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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