The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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