Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
