i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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