how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Text me some of your sweat
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
