Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Shame is for Republicans.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
