I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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