Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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