We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
