Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
