Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
