I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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