i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
