my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize