can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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