I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
