dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
