we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
