pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
