when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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