yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
