I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
