Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
