I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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