not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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