Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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