WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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