So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
