I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
