woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
