My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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