hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
