I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
