somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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