i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
