so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
