So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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