do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
