Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
