We're facebook friends in real life
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
