I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
