i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
