I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
