Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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