Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
