so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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