help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
