wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
