Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
